How To Keep Your Humans In Check – By Miles

Hi everyone, it’s Miles again! I’ve been living with my humans for a long time and I’ve learned a lot about how to deal with humans and keep them in check. They think they’re in charge, but that’s all part of the game. I’m here to help other dogs by sharing my best tips on how to control your humans and get what you want.

1. Humans are emotional and that’s good for dogs. My humans love me and I love them, but their emotions are too easy to manipulate. Hungry? Sit like a good boy and give them the sad puppy eyes. They’ll give you a bite of whatever they’re eating. Bored? Sniff them until they pay attention, then climb in their lap until they stop everything they’re doing and pet you. Humans are easy to manipulate if you know how their emotions work.

2. When they try to eat an entire meal without sharing, you might have to be more persuasive. I usually try jumping up on them, pawing their legs, and whining. If these advanced techniques don’t work, it’s time to zero in on their food and wait for an opportunity to steal it. Humans get distracted, and that’s a great time to steal a slice of pizza from their plate.

3. Humans like to make their own schedule, but it’s fun to change it just because you can. My humans like to sleep when it’s dark outside, but sometimes I get bored and want to go for a walk when they’re sleeping. When I want to go for a walk, I go in their room and whine or bark until one of them wakes up. Well, it’s always Dad who wakes up, actually. Mom sleeps right through my best attempts. Dad takes me out for a walk whenever I demand it.

4. When the humans are trying to watch something on their TV, they don’t want to hear barking. This is an opportune time to get anything you want. Just start barking and they’ll do anything to make you stop. That’s usually when they put peanut butter inside my bone just so I’ll be quiet. Yum!! Peanut butter is the best.

5. No human can resist scratching your belly if you flop down on their feet and roll on your back, paws flung precariously in the air. If they don’t immediately start scratching your belly, maintain the position and roll around a bit until they say “Awwwwwww” and give in to your cuteness. Belly scratches are the best!

Humans are great, and I love my humans because they saved me, but they must be kept in check by dog. Their primary function is to take care of me, so I have to make sure I guide them in the best ways to do so. You can control your humans and get more food and attention too if you use these tips. I have to go now because I have a bone full of delicious peanut butter and I have to eat it before Crackers tries to steal it.

Until next time…

Miles

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