Anna’s “Amazon” Reviews Of Random Shit: Adulthood

I’ve been stuck at a standstill when it comes to my writing lately, probably as a result of the massively busy year I’m having and the fact that I need a vacation.

So I’m trying out a new idea : Amazon-like reviews of random shit! Please enjoy! Today’s product is…adulthood!

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👩🏻 Anna Y.

⭐️⭐️ Beware of False Advertising!

August 21, 2019

Verified Purchase

It’s been 17 years since I ordered my adulthood. Normally, I would have reviewed sooner but I kept hoping it would eventually live up to the hype. The ad claimed that I would finally feel as free as I’d ever wanted to be, be able to do whatever I wanted at any time, and that all of a sudden I would be physically transformed into a much taller and less awkward version of myself who is capable of breathing the air around food without gaining 5 lbs. Those claims were completely unfounded; I’m still short and awkward AF, and I can feel my clothes getting tighter if I inhale too deeply near a Burger King (Seriously, how the fuck does Burger King always smell so good?). As far as that elusive freedom, while I am technically free to do as I please, it turns out that constant shortages of both time and money actively prevent me from realizing the level of freedom I thought this product would provide. I recommend providing disclaimers in the future so that potential customers of adulthood aren’t misled. I gave it two stars despite the bit of false advertising because at least the ad was accurate about two very important things: I no longer have to pretend I believe in a god in order to placate others, and I can drink as much wine as I want. Other than that, it’s been pretty disappointing. I called customer service and tried to exchange my adulthood for a large bouncy castle and a 180-pack Of Easy Mac but they said the warranty was expired, so I guess I’m stuck with it. I still ordered the bouncy castle and the Easy Mac. Anyway, order at your own risk!