12 Things That Irritate Me About Movies And TV

Everyone loves watching movies and TV (well, except for those pretentious douches who pretend they’re too good to be entertained by screens, anyway). Sometimes, however, the onscreen characters’ shenanigans just get too ridiculously unrealistic for me and it’s irritating. For example:

1. They’re always dressed up in street clothes, full makeup, jewelry, and wearing shoes INSIDE THEIR HOMES. Is it just me or is that completely ridiculous?! When I’m home, I’m wearing pajamas, barefoot with no makeup. Who do I need to impress in my own home? What the actual fuck?
2. They order drinks at bars and never finish them. Sometimes they don’t even take a sip before they leave! Drinking out is expensive, and this is a terrible waste of money and perfectly good alcohol. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say it’s alcohol abuse. If movies and TV were real worlds I could infiltrate, I would follow the main characters around and drink their leftover drinks so they don’t go to waste!
3. They always live way above their means. You already know what I’m talking about; minimum wage workers living in Manhattan and wearing designer clothes. What? Unemployed people who somehow have apartments or even houses? I’ve worked my ass off my entire life and barely been able to afford to keep my head above water (and I’ve never even lived anywhere as expensive as NYC). Let’s be realistic about the cost of living already.
4. They’re always way too picky when dating because the storyline would die if they found a good match and settled down happily. “OMG, he breathes when he sleeps and I can hear it! I have to break up with him!” Girl please, are you looking for a vampire? I’m pretty sure all the Twilight dudes are taken. You might have to settle for someone who breathes. What a tragedy.
5. It’s never OK to be different/nerdy/intellectual. The world has mostly gotten past the “cool kid” image, but lots of movies and TV shows have been slow to catch up. As someone who’s literally never been the cool kid and always been the nerd, I can assure you that being a nerd is AWESOME and nothing to be ashamed of or mocked.
6. Most writers on TV can afford to live on just the income from their writing. Being a writer is amazing, but it takes a long time and a lot of luck/connections to turn it into a full-time career. People become writers because they love writing more than life itself (trust me, I’ve been doing it for nearly 30 years), not because it’s an incredibly lucrative career path.
7. Players are heroes and commitment-minded people are zeroes. I love How I Met Your Mother, but I’m not a fan of guys like Barney in real life. I mean, who really is besides douchey frat guys? Those players are going to be sad one day when all the nice girls are already married to the nice committed guys and they’ve wasted their lives chasing meaningless sex only to die alone. I would point out that even Barney Stinson got married, but he and Robin also got divorced after 3 years so….not great.
8. When a car crashes or flips, it ALWAYS explodes. Of course, they do these special effects in order to make the movie more grandiose and exciting, but I was convinced for awhile that any car that caught fire was guaranteed to explode. One time when I lived in Ohio (true story), my neighbor’s car caught on fire in front of the rental duplex and I had to call the fire department. I was terrified because it was right in front of the duplex and I thought it was probably going to explode, causing my home and everything I owned to be destroyed. Spoiler alert! There was no explosion. The fire department showed up about 20ish minutes later (I lived in the middle of nowhere), put out the fire, and it was all very unexciting.
9. Brides are always insane bridezillas. There’s no such thing as a laid-back bride on the screen. They’re always freaking out about every little detail of the wedding and demanding that their friends/family bow to their wishes. In real life, laid-back brides do exist. I know because I was one! The most anxiety I had about anything on my wedding day was the general social anxiety of being the center of attention; I didn’t give a fuck if every detail was perfect and I certainly didn’t want to feel like a “princess.” Princesses rely on others to fulfill their every wish; I prefer to manifest my own destiny.
10. Husbands and wives are rarely best friends, and they should be. The best kind of marriage is the one where your spouse is also your best friend, because life isn’t romantic 24/7. You need someone you can spend the tough times with as well, someone you love but also someone you like, someone who will support you and be your rock. That’s what marriage is supposed to be, but many movies and TV shows portray it as a ball-and-chain that drags you down and makes your life dull or unfulfilling. I can assure you that’s not the case if you marry the right person and have the right attitude about marriage.
11. Women are often portrayed as being controlling of their partners and overly dramatic/materialistic, and that’s just not the case for many of us. If I tried to boss my husband around or make him buy me $400 handbags, I’d be expecting to be served divorce papers because that’s just not how you treat someone you love.
12. Women are often portrayed as being against or afraid of guns. This drives me crazy as a female gun owner who enjoys shooting for sport but also as a means of practicing for self-defense situations. It doesn’t make sense why a woman wouldn’t want some firepower on her side in case a bad guy decides to victimize her. It’s the great equalizer if you’re not as physically large or strong as the attacker. Plus, like I said, shooting guns is fun!

Screenwriters, can we please see more realism? Take a note from the writers of The Ranch (one of my favorite shows because of how real the characters are) and make your characters relatable to real people.

What aspects of movies and TV irritate you the most?