8 Things I’ll Never Be “Too Old” To Do

I’m less than a week away from my 35th birthday, and it’s a little nerve-wracking because I always thought 35 sounded old. When you’re 35 and up, a lot of people think they can start setting rules about things you’re now supposedly too old to do. Well, I won’t be following any of those rules because age is just a number and I know now that I’ll always be ME at any age. So here are some of the things I’ll never be too old to do, no matter what anyone says.

1. I’ll never be too old to rock my super-long hair and dye it black/wild colors. I’ve made the mistake of cutting my hair short a couple times and I’ve hated it every single time. It takes forever to grow it back out, so I’m not making that mistake again. It’s currently all the way to my lower back and I love it! I love rocking streaks of color too when I can afford to go to the stylist (AKA not this year). I’ve had purple and pink, but my next adventure will be blue at some point. I don’t care how old I am or who thinks I should be wearing a boring “I want to speak to your manager now” haircut in a normal color; I’m not normal! I’m me! Sorry, not sorry. This was my pink hair for my awesome beach wedding!

2. I’ll never be too old to wear cute/trendy clothes. So some people ditch their sense of style as they age? That’s fine for them, but there’s actually no such thing as “you’re too old to wear that.” If I feel like wearing a dress that’s on the shorter side, I will, even when I’m over 40. I’m 5’3″ and long dresses make me feel like a hobbit. The trend of leggings as pants is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I will continue wearing leggings as long as I damn well please, no matter how old I am.

3. I’ll never be too old to enjoy cheap box wine, easy mac, chicken nuggets and ramen. There’s this myth floating around that, beyond a certain age, you should have more “refined” (read: expensive) tastes. The people who invented this myth have probably never had to choose between paying the rent and buying food; I have. So, even though I’m almost 35, I’ll never be too good to enjoy the inexpensive things I grew up with

4. I’ll never be too old to sleep in. At some point along the way, some asshole decided that successful adulting required getting up super early every day, and people who sleep in are lazy, immature, and doomed for failure. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Some people are natural night owls like me, and we’re not capable of falling asleep before midnight or 2 am, so getting up at 5 or 6 am is just a recipe for permanent sleep deprivation (which kills our productivity). I’m much fresher and more productive if I follow my natural body clock by staying up until I’m actually tired and sleeping until I’m rested enough to rock my workday at full capacity. Being self-employed is great for that!

5. I’ll never be too old to drink as much as I want, whenever I want. Whoever came up with the idea that older people start drinking significantly less and become the ultimate lightweights hasn’t met me. It might have more to do with the fact that I don’t have (or plan on having) any kids rather than age, but still. You’ll never hear me say “Oh no, I can’t have another glass. It’s 8:30 and it’s past my bedtime.

6. I’ll never be too old to enjoy watching trashy TV. It makes me laugh and roll my eyes when people act like they’re too cool or “woke” to enjoy watching some good old-fashioned trashy TV. Sometimes I end my workday a bit early, have a glass of (cheap box) wine, and watch Jerry Springer, Maury, or (even better) Cheaters! IDGAF if anyone thinks that makes me trashy; it’s just so ridiculously obnoxious that it’s entertaining.

7. I’ll never be too old to play video games. I’m not a hardcore gamer, but I still love booting up my old PlayStation and racing cars in Gran Turismo, wreaking havoc on the streets of San Andreas in GTA, or hunting wildlife on Big Game Hunter on my old Wii. That kind of fun has no time limit, and I fully intend to still be mowing down gangsters with a submachine gun, banging hookers in the back of stolen cars, and shooting down police helicopters with an RPG 20 years from now when GTA 25 is released for the PlayStation 20XXL.

8. I’ll never be too old to have badass toy vehicles. When I lived in Ohio, I had lifted mud trucks, Jeeps, and 4 wheelers. When I moved here, I had to downgrade to a simple car for a bit, but now we’re looking at buying property here in NC, and one of my first goals after we find the right house/land is to get a Jeep and a 4 wheeler again. I’ve been out of the country for 6 years and I still long for that life, proving the old saying “you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl.”

So here’s to youth! You’re only as old as you feel, and I definitely don’t feel like a 35-year old. Next time someone infers that you’re “too old” to do something you love, kindly tell them to fuck off, because we only get one life. Might as well live it up!!!