Guess What Doesn’t Mix Well With Liquor? Old Age.

When I was in college, I had an amazing talent. I could drink a half a bottle of vodka in an evening and then go do manual labor at the plastic factory at 7 am the next day feeling fine. That was well over a decade ago, and I’m amazed when I think back on it now. I still have a pretty legendary alcohol tolerance at 34, but only if I stick to wine or beer. I guess that means it’s not so legendary anymore.

I stopped drinking liquor several months ago because the hangovers were just too awful and I almost always need to function. Then, last night, I had the genius idea to drink some amaretto because “fuck it, it’s the holidays!” Also, the words of Fez from That 70’s Show, it tastes like liquid candy! I had already been drinking wine, so I should have known it would be a terrible idea to mix the two.

I didn’t have to be at work until 3:45 today for my delivery shift, but that was still too early. I haven’t felt as terrible as I felt today since…well, since I was smart enough to back away from the liquor. Driving around for hours and carrying heavy things is not fun while hung over.

I made it through my shift and home to rest thankfully, and I really mean it now when I say: I’m not drinking liquor ever again unless 2 things are true:

1. I’ve acknowledged that there will be a terrible hangover and agree to suffer as such.

2. I have absolutely nothing functional I have to accomplish the next day.

Sorry ABC stores, but old age has caught up with me and this girl will be sticking to her cheap wine from now on. It’s the necessary choice since ceasing to age isn’t an option.

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