The holidays are one of my favorite times of the year. I love decorating, baking, and especially our annual trip back to Cleveland to see the sights, drink some Great Lakes Christmas Ale, and visit my family/friends. There’s just something about NE Ohio that will always feel more like home to me than North Carolina, no matter how long I live here.
Three years ago, I was going into the holiday season single yet again, and it was really getting old. It’s always more fun to celebrate with a significant other, and nothing reminds you more of your singledom than seeing all the happy couples everywhere.
Most people have a “checklist” of sorts for their perfect partner, and I was no exception. I compared everyone to that damn checklist and had a tendency to hit the “next” button quickly. I think a lot of people make that mistake; they hit next before getting to know someone who could actually be a good match. Eventually, I gave up looking for Mr. Right and just focused on my own life, content to live it in solitude and make the most of it. Of course, that’s when I met him.
We met by pure fate one day when he knocked on my door selling cable, and I got a friend request from him on Facebook a few days later. I thought we would just be friends because I had no interest in dating anyone, so I was open-minded about talking and getting to know him over the next few months. What I discovered was that he was a really good person and we had some great things in common, like an appreciation for classic rock and old movies, a love of making fun of pretentious douchebags, and similar family goals.
Let’s use a hypothetical scenario for a moment. Let’s say your friend calls you and says she’s been talking to a guy and he wants to hang out. What are the first things you’re probably going to ask her?
“Is he cute?”
“Well, he doesn’t look like Channing Tatum but he’s tall and funny and he has nice eyes.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s working at Bojangles for now while he looks for something better.”
“How does he afford anything on minimum wage?”
“Well, he lives with his parents…”
You get where I’m going with this. If I had had that conversation with certain people who were prevalent in my circle at that time, they would have told me he’s a loser and I should aim higher, find Mr. Channing Six Pack who makes shit tons of money and settle for nothing less. But how realistic is that? It’s not, and I’m thankful every day that I did get to know that guy who worked at Bojangles temporarily when he was between gigs and lived with his parents, because he ended up being Mr. Right and becoming my husband. If I had gotten too hung up on the checklist, I might have missed my opportunity for true love.
So next time you meet someone who doesn’t quite check off all the boxes but is a genuinely good person and enjoyable to have conversations with, put down your pencil and just get to know them. You might be surprised at the chemistry that transpires from a relationship built on open-minded friendship. In my experience, I become naturally more attracted to a person if I like their personality, and I think that’s true of most of us. The challenge is remembering that attraction isn’t just skin deep and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you write someone off based on a superficial checklist alone.
Try this approach, and maybe you’ll be spending the next holiday season as one half of one of those happy couples too. I accidentally stumbled upon my soulmate, and I’m so glad I didn’t write him off before I found out how great he is. Look, he even has a six pack now!
Looks like Miles want to help him drink that six pack! 😂🍺🐶