Pets Should Count As Dependents For Tax Purposes

One thing that frustrates me about being a dog mom is that my fur kids invoke a lot of expenses but they’re not considered dependents for tax purposes. I feel like this is just another way for the government to discriminate against those of us who choose not to procreate. They already tax the fuck out of us for daring to live above the poverty line (but below the millionaire line, because, you know, they hate the middle class) and not having a bunch of human kids. Instead, they should be giving us tax breaks for responsibly using birth control and refraining from further overpopulating the Earth.

Let’s do a little dependency comparison just for kicks. Human kids require a lot of food: so do fur kids. Human kids require medical care, including vaccines to keep them healthy: so do fur kids. Human kids require shelter and comforts like toys/treats : so do fur kids. Human kids require education: fur kids need training too, and those classes aren’t cheap. Human kids irritate their parents sometimes, throw fits, and wake them up in the middle of the night: so do fur kids! Okay, so the last one isn’t a financial expense per se (unless you count the extra alcohol we have to buy to deal with their tantrums) but it just illustrates the point that fur kids are just as dependent on their parents as human kids are; so why can’t we claim them as dependents on our taxes?

The short answer is that our government wants to help themselves to as much of our money as possible. The slightly longer answer is that they also don’t want to encourage little human-free living because people who have human kids are automatically subject to more government overreach by the nanny state. It always comes down to those two things: money and power. Well, I’m not falling for it. They will have to rip my birth control pills from my cold dead hands. I guess at that point they can have ’em because dead people can’t get knocked up.

Anyway, I’m going to go pet my dogs now because even though the government says they’re not my kids, I know better. And because they’re worth every penny we spend on them.