Here’s To Modern Women Who Have It All!

Being a modern woman can be challenging. We juggle careers, families and our personal happiness like nobody’s business, and it means that we often sacrifice our precious sleep and our sanity so we can have it all. As tough as it can be sometimes, there’s no sum of money I’d accept to go back in time and be a wife in the 1950’s.

There are so many reasons I’d never agree to live as a woman in the 50’s. First of all, no matter how much money I had, I wouldn’t even be allowed to open up my own bank account to put that money in, so it wouldn’t truly be my money on paper. Secondly, I’d have approximately 4 career options besides “housewife and baby factory.” I could be a teacher but, honestly, kids annoy me. I could be a nurse but I can’t stand the sight of blood, so that’s out. I could be a secretary but that sounds boring as fuck, and I like to be challenged as a professional. So really, I’d have one option left: hooker. Yep, the oldest profession of all time for women. And ew, I’d really prefer not to service random dudes for a living.

My husband is a pretty conservative Catholic, so it shocked me to learn that his mom is a total boss, a modern woman before we were so prevalent. When he was growing up, his mom was the breadwinner in the household and his dad took on most of the domestic responsibilities. Looking at it objectively, I suspect that’s one of the reasons he was attracted to me. Men do tend to gravitate towards women who remind them of their moms. Even more surprising is the fact that my mother-in-law and I get along very well despite the whole devout Catholic thing (and the fact that I’m a hardcore atheist). Before I met her, I was pretty certain she’d hate me. Thank goodness I was wrong about that.

In my marriage, I really can say I have it all. We both have careers and both contribute to the household. We don’t want kids thankfully, but we love our fur kids so much. I love to cook and bake, so yes, I do throw down in the kitchen when I have enough energy left, and I refuse to let my affinity for cooking take away from my feminist cred. 😜

Sometimes I’m just too tired to cook and I have no qualms about ordering a pizza instead. That’s how it’s supposed to be: none of this macho “wife better have my dinner on the table at 6 pm” nonsense that a lot of misogynistic jerks still buy into. If that’s still what marriage looked like in 2018, I would’ve stayed single forever. So here’s to modern women who have it all: I raise a great big pot of coffee spiked with Kahlua to you so we can all stay awake and happily buzzed as we conquer the world.